It has been a while since last time I updated my little conner here. It's 1am now and I could not sleep, alot of things coming in my mind and inside of me, I feels sad. Today my good friend at work told me that he is leaving by end of next month, I was happy for him but on the other side, I may not see him for a very long time or maybe ever again.. we never know. He is always the person I could share anything at the office, always a good listener to me and advisor as well. I feel that I'm just loosing one of good friend everyday in my life. It's not easy to find good friends. Anyways, just wish him all the best.
Another thing makes me think is about work, tomorrow there may be a good or a bad change as the result of my new job offer is going to be happened or not. If it is happening, it gonna take me to another era.... Don't know what gonna take me to but it's a new adventure... What the heck! Let's see what gonna happen tomorrow. My office, my job now is just a mess... no people, I have so much pressure and I actually do not give a damn thing about it bcs it's out of my control now. I just really hope that I can get a new job now so that my mind is clear.
3rd thing makes me upset a bit is about my ex, I always take the sentence for granted ' whatever happens, you are always still very important to me'. But what the heck (yeah, again)! I know for sure he almost forgot my bday, he rememberd just bcs he saw everyone wishing my bday. I might just expect to much from that person, it seems to be cleared now... ' MOVE ON WOMAN, HE AIN'T URS ANYMORE, SO GROW UP'... Yeah, I have to tell myself in that way so that I don't feel upset...:)) just such a kid I am!!! We probably will never ever gonna see each other again in my life, so why I should bother if that person don't care. Expecting a text msg but I got a wish on facebook which is so ordinary as the others, therefore the answer is ' LILY, YOU ARE JUST AN ORDINARY EX GF, SO DON'T EXPECT MORE IF YOU ARE NOT THE ONE ANYMORE'
Life is cruel! Never thought that the crack could be that big impact to me... I do not know until when I can wake up from that sleep and get healed again.
Wednesday 25 August 2010
Thursday 15 April 2010
Guys are full of crap!
Why should god create guys??? They are just full of crap.. when they say they care but actually it's just theory, reality they dont... Just hate them... I think I should just ignore what they say!!! Just feel like hitting sth or s.o really hard right now.....DAMN!
Tuesday 6 April 2010
BAD DAYS!
It seems that life is not smooth these days, depressed abit though. Crying now and typing, not good at all!!!! I'm wondering out there, someone really understand me...??
2 days ago, had a big fight with my ex bf and just could not admit the fact that he actually moved on and only myself left behind, living with the past. I was just too tough in dealing with the situation in order I have to suffer in the end. However, it was just too conflict with what he said which made me assume that he still loved me, but the fact is... not only more ' LILY, you are just a stupid person, not to move on, living with the fact, should not trust what the guy said, it would just kill you day after day and the fact prove that guys words cant be trusted. GUys are just full of shit'.
My grandpa was right, if he was able to love me enough, he could have done everything to gain me back, visiting me or whatever it would take, would not let me leave and stay with the distance. Maybe he really was no there yet to really take the relationship seriously and still not sure what he wants. Anyways, it was a page of my life, deep in my heart, i still love him, however, after the day that I heard from him he moved on, don't want to take me back, i realized i was just a fool... no point to feel bad or sad bcs of a person who does not love me anymore. Why should I feel sad bcs of such a person, not worth for me to spend of my effort anymore. Why should I still keep applying for jobs in Europe in the past year and never give up. NOw I can officialy give up in doing that. why should I spend so much time for just that??? YES... I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF THAT IT'S OVER... EVERYTHING CAN BE TURNED TO A NEW PAGE... HE TURNED THE PAGE ALREADY SO NOW MY TURN... However, I do not expect to see the person somewhere in the future, at lest for now...' ONE MORE THING, NEVER LISTEN TO THE GUY SAYING THAT YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT IN HIS LIFE.. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.. U R ONLY IMPORTATNT WHEN U ARE WITH HIM, WHEN HE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE... IT'S JUST WHATEVER.
So it was problem with my ex, today problem with my mom... yes I now have to also accept that I live with the parents, I would not have the freedom I used to have when i was by myself... I wish i could turn back the time. I did talk to my parents but it seemed to be useless as they only think that they are right and whatever I said, they still keep their points... cried again.... since the begining of the week, i came to work with my big eyes already from crying and I think it will last until end of this week.... hai...... life is just so shit now.... hope it's getting better soon....
Time to sleep now, another long day tomorrow.
ciao ciao
2 days ago, had a big fight with my ex bf and just could not admit the fact that he actually moved on and only myself left behind, living with the past. I was just too tough in dealing with the situation in order I have to suffer in the end. However, it was just too conflict with what he said which made me assume that he still loved me, but the fact is... not only more ' LILY, you are just a stupid person, not to move on, living with the fact, should not trust what the guy said, it would just kill you day after day and the fact prove that guys words cant be trusted. GUys are just full of shit'.
My grandpa was right, if he was able to love me enough, he could have done everything to gain me back, visiting me or whatever it would take, would not let me leave and stay with the distance. Maybe he really was no there yet to really take the relationship seriously and still not sure what he wants. Anyways, it was a page of my life, deep in my heart, i still love him, however, after the day that I heard from him he moved on, don't want to take me back, i realized i was just a fool... no point to feel bad or sad bcs of a person who does not love me anymore. Why should I feel sad bcs of such a person, not worth for me to spend of my effort anymore. Why should I still keep applying for jobs in Europe in the past year and never give up. NOw I can officialy give up in doing that. why should I spend so much time for just that??? YES... I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF THAT IT'S OVER... EVERYTHING CAN BE TURNED TO A NEW PAGE... HE TURNED THE PAGE ALREADY SO NOW MY TURN... However, I do not expect to see the person somewhere in the future, at lest for now...' ONE MORE THING, NEVER LISTEN TO THE GUY SAYING THAT YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT IN HIS LIFE.. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.. U R ONLY IMPORTATNT WHEN U ARE WITH HIM, WHEN HE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE... IT'S JUST WHATEVER.
So it was problem with my ex, today problem with my mom... yes I now have to also accept that I live with the parents, I would not have the freedom I used to have when i was by myself... I wish i could turn back the time. I did talk to my parents but it seemed to be useless as they only think that they are right and whatever I said, they still keep their points... cried again.... since the begining of the week, i came to work with my big eyes already from crying and I think it will last until end of this week.... hai...... life is just so shit now.... hope it's getting better soon....
Time to sleep now, another long day tomorrow.
ciao ciao
Thursday 4 February 2010
Hmmmmm
Thought it's over but... dont know why these days I really miss that person and really want to see that person. jealousy is still there even though I'm nobody to that person now and I know it will not take any where.. the feeling is just mixed up these days, I even felt very sad... don't know what to do... hmmmm... Help.. Help... Help... :(
Monday 26 October 2009
Missing with no reason
I just dunno y I really miss him today. Really want to talk to him n tell him how much I miss him n still love him. The phone was just there for me to send MSG but I did not do so. I think there is no point to do it as I know it's hopeless n it will go no where so I rather keep it for myself and take rime for me to restore the photos somewhere else.
Monday 31 August 2009
Memories
Today, I was viewing my old photos and found that there are actually many 'couple' photos that I am having, viewing all of them made me feel so sad and bad... all the sweet memories just came back to me... again.. tears dropping down and I jux wished that I could turn back the time when we used to be together, everything seemed to be so perfect when we were around but noone knows that the present is just too painful. I dont know I have the courage to view the photos again. My heart is just torn apart. I really miss him and still really love him even though I am trying my best to let it go.. How can I mend this broken heart?
Saturday 8 August 2009
Memory is just memory
After coming back from Carmen Bar, I went to facebook and wanted to change my phofile picture, therefore, I went through the albums. Viewing them making me missing about my old time so much, especially the sweet memories that I had when I went to London, Cambodia and Lugano. My tears just dropped down, I really miss it but I can't help it. I wish I could turn back the time, turn back the time when everything was so sweet and lovely.... Life is always like that, nothing is fair, it's beautiful but also not beautiful at the same time. Some people said that I should delete the photos but I do not and also do not want to... Should take time to forget. :(
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