:) :( mixed up

It has been a while since I broke up with him but I still really miss him and still really love him... I know I have to pass this but it aint easy, the memories and everything are still there in my head, all the things around my room.. I just can't forget, especially we are still talking, so It doesnt help at all. I decided to break up just bcs I cant stand the distance, I cant stand his behavior but it's true that I was better when I was around him, distance made everything worse. However, he is also a part of this decision as at the moment I left UK, I knew that this relationship aint be the same anymore. He had a choice to hold me back but he also made the decision to let me go. He rather traveled to Tokyo then visit me even just for 2 weeks... I felt shamed on me as I could not even compare to a place... How can that heart be cold and make such a decision. The more I think, the more I feel bad.

Sometimes, I really miss him and wanted to call him but I put my phone down and did not call. I know that it has to end, I have to be strong to pass it... That's what Im telling myself every single day. I look very happy from outside but deep inside my heart, it's broken into small pieces. I just love him too much, I wish that I could earn alot of money, can travel and do whatever I want to make this distance closer, unfurtunately, it's just out of my hands. I cant do anything.... Sadness just over me...

People said that I need to get into another relationship to forget the old one, but it's not easy to find a person that match and understand me. I think I need time to heal this pain... Let see how it goes!! I just cross my finger X.

Time to bed!!!