End or not?

Again, on this blog, Im writing what Im thinking in my mind about my relationship. It seemed that I've been using this page to pull-out all of my feeling and thinking which i suppose to tell my bf but I never get a chance to talk to him propoerly since we are apart. I feel that our relationship is just getting unclear day after day. Eventhough, I still really love him but I just cant stand anymore with his attitude, behavior and also they way he talks to me everytime he has exam... It's jux too much, he thought he understands me but he does not. Sometimes I just feel that I do not have any respect for me, like ' yeah, you love me, you have to accept the way I am, Im not going to change until I'm done with my uni' or 'ok, i will talk to u next time but I do not know when' that kind of attitude, I really cant stand anymore, It's been a year and it's jux getting worse and worse. I dont know whether u guys can stand not to talk w ur bf for a month or not but I can't. He said that he will marry me after uni, but just think, I wait for him but how much sure that we can get married right after his graduation? If he is not getting a good job then we are screw up as well. I just cant wait for him anymore..... I cant stand with the feeling of missing him all the time and not be able to talk to him!!!! I think this relationship need to be released!!!! It needs an ending!

Weekend!

Today I went to work in the morning, finished around 1pmish and went back home for Lunch. After a nap, i went swimming alone. The weather was just too hot so swimming was great for me :) After burning calories, I and my parents went to have dinner at Thai Restaurant, it was nice dinner. We went shopping and then back home to play chess, I was the 2nd after my mom and it took us 1.30hrs to finish the game hahaha. I came back to my room after that and got an email from my BF, actually Im trying to keep myself busy in order no to think about him as I know that If Im free, I will think about him all the time. I told him that I will not be disturbing him for the next 3 weeks until he is done with his exam and Im doing it. But when i got his email I felt bad bcs in his email, there aint love in it, just a dry email to ask how my day was, how I am and then good night, sleep well!!! Noone could think it's an email that a bf write for a gf... I just have no comment, Im just really upset about him day after day, but what to do, that's how he is. I think that just one day he really loose sth then he will know how to treat a girl in a propoer way and understand her more. Everytime, Im upset about him, I just cant tell me bcs he does not have any reaction after I tell him, just like talking to the wall or a cold person, so I have to use this Blog to write everything out otherwise I will be in a mess of myself...

I really hope that his study ends as soon as possible, hope that his study will be moving smoothly bcs if I have to wait for longer time than we expected, I will be crazy and for sure this relationship will never work. I just dont know what to do with this relationship!!!!

I just cross my fingers for it!!!

Time to sleep and looking forward to have brighter day!