A boring life!!!

Again, another week has passed!!! Yesterday I talked to Doruk and guess what, my feeling aint the same any more... Before I used to be so looking forward to talk to him and felt really happy everytime talking to him but since it's been over a month, I have not talked to him at all and yesterday we were chatting and I felt nothing... chat or not... doest matter... It was my feeling. I could not even believe it, it means that my feeling is already at the end of the road!!! I totally have no feeling with it anymore. Normally, whenever I view our photos, I really miss him but yesterday also had no feeling... just felt that it was a good memory to remember.

I start thinking whether I'm just too stress from my work or I really lost my feeling to him... I'm not sure though but anyways, I'm just really tired from this relationship... I have not seen him for over a year now... it's just way too much for me... I just can't handle the missing feeling anymore.. I just want to give myself a break from the matrix of relationship, it's been driving me insane so far!!! Guys are so hard to understand!!! Do not know what they are thinking!!!!!!

NOw I have to wait until he finishes his exam to end this relationship!!! SO TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!! Soon... soon... it wil be over and I am so looking forward to a new life!!!!

It's about my love life, my work life is even worse hahaha... too depressing from work.. short of staff, crisis time.. too much work to do! Every week i work around 60 hours... it's hell too much! Everyday after work i feel so lost, do not know what to do, sometimes jux sitting infront of my laptop and staring at it and do not know what to do!!! What the hell!! Am I becoming a workaholic or what?? I dont know how long I can handle this situation, just looking forward for a holiday but do not have enough budget to travel far away!

Just 1 sentence... No comments about my life right now! Just do whatever I can for now!!!

Wish me luck!!

End or not?

Again, on this blog, Im writing what Im thinking in my mind about my relationship. It seemed that I've been using this page to pull-out all of my feeling and thinking which i suppose to tell my bf but I never get a chance to talk to him propoerly since we are apart. I feel that our relationship is just getting unclear day after day. Eventhough, I still really love him but I just cant stand anymore with his attitude, behavior and also they way he talks to me everytime he has exam... It's jux too much, he thought he understands me but he does not. Sometimes I just feel that I do not have any respect for me, like ' yeah, you love me, you have to accept the way I am, Im not going to change until I'm done with my uni' or 'ok, i will talk to u next time but I do not know when' that kind of attitude, I really cant stand anymore, It's been a year and it's jux getting worse and worse. I dont know whether u guys can stand not to talk w ur bf for a month or not but I can't. He said that he will marry me after uni, but just think, I wait for him but how much sure that we can get married right after his graduation? If he is not getting a good job then we are screw up as well. I just cant wait for him anymore..... I cant stand with the feeling of missing him all the time and not be able to talk to him!!!! I think this relationship need to be released!!!! It needs an ending!

Weekend!

Today I went to work in the morning, finished around 1pmish and went back home for Lunch. After a nap, i went swimming alone. The weather was just too hot so swimming was great for me :) After burning calories, I and my parents went to have dinner at Thai Restaurant, it was nice dinner. We went shopping and then back home to play chess, I was the 2nd after my mom and it took us 1.30hrs to finish the game hahaha. I came back to my room after that and got an email from my BF, actually Im trying to keep myself busy in order no to think about him as I know that If Im free, I will think about him all the time. I told him that I will not be disturbing him for the next 3 weeks until he is done with his exam and Im doing it. But when i got his email I felt bad bcs in his email, there aint love in it, just a dry email to ask how my day was, how I am and then good night, sleep well!!! Noone could think it's an email that a bf write for a gf... I just have no comment, Im just really upset about him day after day, but what to do, that's how he is. I think that just one day he really loose sth then he will know how to treat a girl in a propoer way and understand her more. Everytime, Im upset about him, I just cant tell me bcs he does not have any reaction after I tell him, just like talking to the wall or a cold person, so I have to use this Blog to write everything out otherwise I will be in a mess of myself...

I really hope that his study ends as soon as possible, hope that his study will be moving smoothly bcs if I have to wait for longer time than we expected, I will be crazy and for sure this relationship will never work. I just dont know what to do with this relationship!!!!

I just cross my fingers for it!!!

Time to sleep and looking forward to have brighter day!

To My Valentine

Now it’s 11:45pm of Wednesday 04 Feb 09 in Vietnam and I am still awake thinking of what to make you surprise on this 3rd valentine day of us. I was crying non-stop just 15 mins ago and I didn’t know the reason why and I could not event stop myself from that, after crying I feel much better. I know that you are enjoying with your new friends and do not want me to disturb you so much, therefore this is the only way I can only do since having less and less time for me now so I don’t really get a chance to tell you what I am thinking.

After the day you told me that you cannot come to Vietnam to visit me this time, I was totally disappointed and I don’t want to think about anything else, I felt that we are just so far away, I was trying so hard to apply for new jobs or looking for French course in any place in Europe to be closed to you but it seems to be so hard since I am a Vietnamese, noone will accept me to work, life is always unfair and especially to a person that is not outstanding like me.

I know you are still young and you want to enjoy life, but sometimes I just feel that you are just too selfish to think about only yourself. Every time I really miss you and want you to be there for me, listen to me, listen to my happiness and sadness but you were not available. I know there is a high jealousy in me with love, the love I have for you is just too big that I don’t even think about myself, all the time im thinking for US, bcs of this US, its killing me.

I just wish that you could understand me and ur heart beat the same tune with me. I really don’t know about our road, the road is just too narrow day by day…. Should I start forgetting you???? I still love you so much, how could I give it away… memories are still memories…. Love is still love; nothing can replace them……. You are one of the most important people in my life, w.o you I don’t know what to do….. I wish I have the ability to be near to you.

Everytime I said that Im so tired, just want to give up this relationship, I will not talk to u, I will not texting you but I cannot do it bcs the love from me is too big. I don’t know how much you love me but deep in my heart I do love you with all my heart.


Baby, I LOVE YOU!

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

I've been workig in Sale department as a meeting services coordinator for almost a month now. People is fine but work aint fine as Im so new to the job, I made so many mistakes even I hv no comment about myself... so stressful, I hv to correct the contract like 10 times before sending..... until when I can get used to it.... Why is it so difficult for me??? Am I stupid???? hey ya... so stress!!!!!

Broken Heart and Waiting, dont know what to do!!

Last Sunday, there was a really terrible thing happened to me. Doruk broke up w me, i was terribly sad, nothing could describe it. My heart was broken into pieces, if my parents werent there, I would go crazy and might kill myself. I imagined if it happened to me when I was in UK, I didnt even want to know about the result, maybe i would kill myself. Eventhough Im w my parents, it seems nothing happened to me but its not true, deep in my heart...I dont know what goona happen, he said he is fed up w evverything and want to break up, but 2 days later, he called me and said that he misses me, so confused. I really dont want to loose him, I dont care how difficult our future will be, I still wanna be w him. I just love him too much to loose him. Now i just can finger cross for our relationship. I really wish that I am not vietnamese so that I can be together w him. I could do everything for him, if my parents have money, I would definitly apply for my Master degree in switzerland long time ago already, unfortunately, because of my family's situation, I cant be in Switzerland, so sth bad happened. I really dont know what to do.... If he really leaves me, I dont think that I can be w anyone else as it wasnt easy for us to be together and we managed for more than 2 years already, so why cant we keep it???? If we really break up, i prmise myself that I will never open my heart again because it will be a really hug crack in my heart...... When I see all the stuffs from him, i just cry and cry even i told myself not to cry but tears just drop down. I know myself how much I love him.... its really hard to say when u have true love. its sth really intangible!!!! I cant imagine him w another girl even we break up.. I just cant, the only possible thing is that we hv to stop talking and really delete everyting frm him..... OH GOSH, WHAT TO DO!!!!!!! :(( :((

Loosing feeling!

Love is always complicated, especially when 2 person are so far away from each other. My boyfriend seems to change his feeling to me or is he just too busy to think about me??? I really dont know what he is thinking, Im somehow really upset because he doesnt care about me much like he used to do... I really miss him and love him so much, wish he knew that, nothing can describe my love for him, I wish that I could get visa and have a permit to work and stay in Switzerland w him, everything will get better for sure. It's so difficult for both of us, especially girls always think more than guys and always think about sill stuff, eventhough I know its wrong but still, cant stop thinking about it, think about the day that he would leave me if its really happend, I really dont know what I gonna do.... I just love him to much to loose him... I could do anything for him.... I wish that he's done w his study long time ago, then everything is so easy for us right now... I always stuck with this silly thing.... WHAT CAN I DO????????????????????' I really wanna cry out loud and scream to say that ' BABY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, WHY CANT YOU LOVE ME THE SAME WAY U USED TO BE?' Have I done anything wrong???? or he is just too excited with everything new around him. I wish that he could tell me all the things that he is thinking. A day without him is so miserable, I never thought that I would love a person this much! Will I derserve true love? Will we be together forever????? Thats what I really want but I dont know about my other half!!!!