Missing with no reason

I just dunno y I really miss him today. Really want to talk to him n tell him how much I miss him n still love him. The phone was just there for me to send MSG but I did not do so. I think there is no point to do it as I know it's hopeless n it will go no where so I rather keep it for myself and take rime for me to restore the photos somewhere else.

Memories

Today, I was viewing my old photos and found that there are actually many 'couple' photos that I am having, viewing all of them made me feel so sad and bad... all the sweet memories just came back to me... again.. tears dropping down and I jux wished that I could turn back the time when we used to be together, everything seemed to be so perfect when we were around but noone knows that the present is just too painful. I dont know I have the courage to view the photos again. My heart is just torn apart. I really miss him and still really love him even though I am trying my best to let it go.. How can I mend this broken heart?

Memory is just memory

After coming back from Carmen Bar, I went to facebook and wanted to change my phofile picture, therefore, I went through the albums. Viewing them making me missing about my old time so much, especially the sweet memories that I had when I went to London, Cambodia and Lugano. My tears just dropped down, I really miss it but I can't help it. I wish I could turn back the time, turn back the time when everything was so sweet and lovely.... Life is always like that, nothing is fair, it's beautiful but also not beautiful at the same time. Some people said that I should delete the photos but I do not and also do not want to... Should take time to forget. :(

:) :( mixed up

It has been a while since I broke up with him but I still really miss him and still really love him... I know I have to pass this but it aint easy, the memories and everything are still there in my head, all the things around my room.. I just can't forget, especially we are still talking, so It doesnt help at all. I decided to break up just bcs I cant stand the distance, I cant stand his behavior but it's true that I was better when I was around him, distance made everything worse. However, he is also a part of this decision as at the moment I left UK, I knew that this relationship aint be the same anymore. He had a choice to hold me back but he also made the decision to let me go. He rather traveled to Tokyo then visit me even just for 2 weeks... I felt shamed on me as I could not even compare to a place... How can that heart be cold and make such a decision. The more I think, the more I feel bad.

Sometimes, I really miss him and wanted to call him but I put my phone down and did not call. I know that it has to end, I have to be strong to pass it... That's what Im telling myself every single day. I look very happy from outside but deep inside my heart, it's broken into small pieces. I just love him too much, I wish that I could earn alot of money, can travel and do whatever I want to make this distance closer, unfurtunately, it's just out of my hands. I cant do anything.... Sadness just over me...

People said that I need to get into another relationship to forget the old one, but it's not easy to find a person that match and understand me. I think I need time to heal this pain... Let see how it goes!! I just cross my finger X.

Time to bed!!!

My life has turned to a new page!

Finally, I have said all the things I need to say to hime and get over it. Eventhough I felt sad but I think it must have to be done in that way else it will eat my brain day after day. I am now officialy single again, isnt it great (well, i was single but not single, having bf was like not having one) long distance relationship was just hard to maintain... Love is just not enough, eventhough still love him but just cant stand with his behavior and attitude anymore... I dont deserved to be ignored... I gave my love and I was supposed to receive it back while I didnt get back... for the past year, it was just too bad for me.. anyways... it's over... I'm looking forward to a new life :)) first of all, i need to be promoted then I can enjoy life more with a bit better salary :))

A boring life!!!

Again, another week has passed!!! Yesterday I talked to Doruk and guess what, my feeling aint the same any more... Before I used to be so looking forward to talk to him and felt really happy everytime talking to him but since it's been over a month, I have not talked to him at all and yesterday we were chatting and I felt nothing... chat or not... doest matter... It was my feeling. I could not even believe it, it means that my feeling is already at the end of the road!!! I totally have no feeling with it anymore. Normally, whenever I view our photos, I really miss him but yesterday also had no feeling... just felt that it was a good memory to remember.

I start thinking whether I'm just too stress from my work or I really lost my feeling to him... I'm not sure though but anyways, I'm just really tired from this relationship... I have not seen him for over a year now... it's just way too much for me... I just can't handle the missing feeling anymore.. I just want to give myself a break from the matrix of relationship, it's been driving me insane so far!!! Guys are so hard to understand!!! Do not know what they are thinking!!!!!!

NOw I have to wait until he finishes his exam to end this relationship!!! SO TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!! Soon... soon... it wil be over and I am so looking forward to a new life!!!!

It's about my love life, my work life is even worse hahaha... too depressing from work.. short of staff, crisis time.. too much work to do! Every week i work around 60 hours... it's hell too much! Everyday after work i feel so lost, do not know what to do, sometimes jux sitting infront of my laptop and staring at it and do not know what to do!!! What the hell!! Am I becoming a workaholic or what?? I dont know how long I can handle this situation, just looking forward for a holiday but do not have enough budget to travel far away!

Just 1 sentence... No comments about my life right now! Just do whatever I can for now!!!

Wish me luck!!

End or not?

Again, on this blog, Im writing what Im thinking in my mind about my relationship. It seemed that I've been using this page to pull-out all of my feeling and thinking which i suppose to tell my bf but I never get a chance to talk to him propoerly since we are apart. I feel that our relationship is just getting unclear day after day. Eventhough, I still really love him but I just cant stand anymore with his attitude, behavior and also they way he talks to me everytime he has exam... It's jux too much, he thought he understands me but he does not. Sometimes I just feel that I do not have any respect for me, like ' yeah, you love me, you have to accept the way I am, Im not going to change until I'm done with my uni' or 'ok, i will talk to u next time but I do not know when' that kind of attitude, I really cant stand anymore, It's been a year and it's jux getting worse and worse. I dont know whether u guys can stand not to talk w ur bf for a month or not but I can't. He said that he will marry me after uni, but just think, I wait for him but how much sure that we can get married right after his graduation? If he is not getting a good job then we are screw up as well. I just cant wait for him anymore..... I cant stand with the feeling of missing him all the time and not be able to talk to him!!!! I think this relationship need to be released!!!! It needs an ending!

Weekend!

Today I went to work in the morning, finished around 1pmish and went back home for Lunch. After a nap, i went swimming alone. The weather was just too hot so swimming was great for me :) After burning calories, I and my parents went to have dinner at Thai Restaurant, it was nice dinner. We went shopping and then back home to play chess, I was the 2nd after my mom and it took us 1.30hrs to finish the game hahaha. I came back to my room after that and got an email from my BF, actually Im trying to keep myself busy in order no to think about him as I know that If Im free, I will think about him all the time. I told him that I will not be disturbing him for the next 3 weeks until he is done with his exam and Im doing it. But when i got his email I felt bad bcs in his email, there aint love in it, just a dry email to ask how my day was, how I am and then good night, sleep well!!! Noone could think it's an email that a bf write for a gf... I just have no comment, Im just really upset about him day after day, but what to do, that's how he is. I think that just one day he really loose sth then he will know how to treat a girl in a propoer way and understand her more. Everytime, Im upset about him, I just cant tell me bcs he does not have any reaction after I tell him, just like talking to the wall or a cold person, so I have to use this Blog to write everything out otherwise I will be in a mess of myself...

I really hope that his study ends as soon as possible, hope that his study will be moving smoothly bcs if I have to wait for longer time than we expected, I will be crazy and for sure this relationship will never work. I just dont know what to do with this relationship!!!!

I just cross my fingers for it!!!

Time to sleep and looking forward to have brighter day!

To My Valentine

Now it’s 11:45pm of Wednesday 04 Feb 09 in Vietnam and I am still awake thinking of what to make you surprise on this 3rd valentine day of us. I was crying non-stop just 15 mins ago and I didn’t know the reason why and I could not event stop myself from that, after crying I feel much better. I know that you are enjoying with your new friends and do not want me to disturb you so much, therefore this is the only way I can only do since having less and less time for me now so I don’t really get a chance to tell you what I am thinking.

After the day you told me that you cannot come to Vietnam to visit me this time, I was totally disappointed and I don’t want to think about anything else, I felt that we are just so far away, I was trying so hard to apply for new jobs or looking for French course in any place in Europe to be closed to you but it seems to be so hard since I am a Vietnamese, noone will accept me to work, life is always unfair and especially to a person that is not outstanding like me.

I know you are still young and you want to enjoy life, but sometimes I just feel that you are just too selfish to think about only yourself. Every time I really miss you and want you to be there for me, listen to me, listen to my happiness and sadness but you were not available. I know there is a high jealousy in me with love, the love I have for you is just too big that I don’t even think about myself, all the time im thinking for US, bcs of this US, its killing me.

I just wish that you could understand me and ur heart beat the same tune with me. I really don’t know about our road, the road is just too narrow day by day…. Should I start forgetting you???? I still love you so much, how could I give it away… memories are still memories…. Love is still love; nothing can replace them……. You are one of the most important people in my life, w.o you I don’t know what to do….. I wish I have the ability to be near to you.

Everytime I said that Im so tired, just want to give up this relationship, I will not talk to u, I will not texting you but I cannot do it bcs the love from me is too big. I don’t know how much you love me but deep in my heart I do love you with all my heart.


Baby, I LOVE YOU!