BAD DAYS!

It seems that life is not smooth these days, depressed abit though. Crying now and typing, not good at all!!!! I'm wondering out there, someone really understand me...??

2 days ago, had a big fight with my ex bf and just could not admit the fact that he actually moved on and only myself left behind, living with the past. I was just too tough in dealing with the situation in order I have to suffer in the end. However, it was just too conflict with what he said which made me assume that he still loved me, but the fact is... not only more ' LILY, you are just a stupid person, not to move on, living with the fact, should not trust what the guy said, it would just kill you day after day and the fact prove that guys words cant be trusted. GUys are just full of shit'.

My grandpa was right, if he was able to love me enough, he could have done everything to gain me back, visiting me or whatever it would take, would not let me leave and stay with the distance. Maybe he really was no there yet to really take the relationship seriously and still not sure what he wants. Anyways, it was a page of my life, deep in my heart, i still love him, however, after the day that I heard from him he moved on, don't want to take me back, i realized i was just a fool... no point to feel bad or sad bcs of a person who does not love me anymore. Why should I feel sad bcs of such a person, not worth for me to spend of my effort anymore. Why should I still keep applying for jobs in Europe in the past year and never give up. NOw I can officialy give up in doing that. why should I spend so much time for just that??? YES... I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF THAT IT'S OVER... EVERYTHING CAN BE TURNED TO A NEW PAGE... HE TURNED THE PAGE ALREADY SO NOW MY TURN... However, I do not expect to see the person somewhere in the future, at lest for now...' ONE MORE THING, NEVER LISTEN TO THE GUY SAYING THAT YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT IN HIS LIFE.. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.. U R ONLY IMPORTATNT WHEN U ARE WITH HIM, WHEN HE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE... IT'S JUST WHATEVER.

So it was problem with my ex, today problem with my mom... yes I now have to also accept that I live with the parents, I would not have the freedom I used to have when i was by myself... I wish i could turn back the time. I did talk to my parents but it seemed to be useless as they only think that they are right and whatever I said, they still keep their points... cried again.... since the begining of the week, i came to work with my big eyes already from crying and I think it will last until end of this week.... hai...... life is just so shit now.... hope it's getting better soon....

Time to sleep now, another long day tomorrow.

ciao ciao